What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:40
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
How do scammers communicate? Do they have a specific language or slang?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
What did i know ?
I was 9 years of age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Are LGBT people accepted in Japan?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Does having the wrong address on my car insurance invalidate my policy?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Why after 50 years of being straight do I constantly desire to suck cock?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why is there so much evil in the world?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Put me off passion for life!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why does an older married man turn bisexual?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I will be 64.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We all went to grammer schools
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was very sick at this time too.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it wasn’t much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I think the readers, may guess!
All the time i was locked up.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Comes on , in middle age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
She found it foreign!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My life is so biszare .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I said to her
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Ive learnt so much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I write beautiful poetry .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I never cut or harmed myself..
She loved him until the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I have no regrets .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She wouldn,t have been !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im still living with it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
And i lived it daily.
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was seconnd youngest,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was in good health!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So, i spoilt her more .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who then, do I blame.?
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I waited trembling.